more “scarily self-disclosing”

so here goes some more of this…

ever since my stepmom left me a voicemail on march 30th telling me she had put down our dog, i haven’t spoken to them. to be honest, i do not have a good relationship with my parents. they are not supportive of what i want to do, they do not understand what i want to do, and they want me to just be a completely different person than i want to be. they do not communicate with me, they do not respect me, and they do not take me seriously.

for the last seven years of my life i have dedicated myself to working towards a job in the music industry. from being a proactive 10th grader and helping out my friend’s band, to booking a charity show, to interning at a local venue, etc. i’ve been working my ass off to get every experience i can that was feasibly possible. at times, i still get upset at myself for not taking more initiative to get a summer internship, but i really needed to support myself and stay in a working environment which was a non-related music job in san diego. (another note: my parents do not think i work, they think i only volunteer, and think i just “hang out with my friends” all the time… false, false, and false.)

today is my stepmom’s birthday. first of all, i completely forgot until my sister reminded me. i’ve had so much on my plate this quarter i haven’t been able to keep track of many things that are not school or work related. second, i just feel like i do not have anything nice to say and i just don’t care. i ended up texting her “happy birthday”. just like the two word email i had received on my birthday.

i’ve always hoped that the older i got, the closer we would become. this is obviously too optimistic, but none the less one day i hope my parents will come around and understand me. and i look forward to the day that they are willing to sit down with me, explain why they made the decisions they made instead of treating me as “a child who doesn’t understand anything.”

a girl can dream.